Seven Deadly Sins: Twilight Style
by lanna-misssunshine
Summary: Which of the Twilight characters are guilty of the seven deadly sins? Funny&Random Read and Review please.
1. Chapter 1 : Pride

A/N - Haha, okay… so this is the other story I said I was going to start, I was playing this online game where you had to find ways to commit the seven deadly sins (it was a sucky game tbh) but anyway… that's how I thought it would be fun to write the seven deadly sins Twilight-style (it is supposed to be at least slightly funny) anyway… PLEAASE REVIEW!!! -pouts- :o)

-Lanna

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Seven Deadly Sins: Pride.

"No!"

"Bella, come on will you please just let me do it?"

"No Edward! I can do it myself!"

"But Bella it would-"

"No! I may not have your _fancy-pants-vampire-strength_ but I am perfectly capable of opening a jar of bolognaise sauce on my own!" Bella interrupted, while glaring at the unopened jar in her hands.

"Fine, fine but if you change your mind you know where to find me" Edward said, holding his hands up in mock surrender while backing out of the room.

Taking a seat in the living room, Edward smirked hearing the angry muttering coming from the next room, as Bella continued with her determined attempts to open the jar unaided.

After a few minutes there is a loud crash coming from the other room and Edward smirked hearing Bella mumble "Stupid jar!" under her breath.

Getting up from his seat and strolling into the kitchen, Edward finds Bella sitting cross-legged on the floor, arms folded across her chest and pouting like there's no tomorrow while refusing to look at the smashed jar on the floor next to her.

"Don't you dare even think about saying it!" Bella huffed not looking at her dazzling vampire boyfriend instead, choosing to now glare at the spilled sauce.

"Say what?" Edward asked, eyebrows raised with an amused look plastered on his face.

Looking up at him finally, Bella said _"I told you so"_ in a very bad imitation of Edwards voice before resuming her glaring contest with the mess on the floor.

"Now why would I say that, love" Edward chuckled, taking a seat on the floor next to her, then pulling her onto his lap.

"Because I told you I could do it myself when I couldn't" Bella groaned leaning back against his chest…

Glancing at the spilled bolognaise sauce and shattered jar on the floor, Edward smirked and said "Well… you know, technically you did get it open… just not in the traditional way"

"Yeah I kinda did, didn't I" Bella giggled getting up from Edwards lap to start cleaning the mess up.

Once the mess was cleaned up, Bella hopped up on the table saying "Well… looks like Charlie won't be getting spaghetti for dinner"

Edward grinned at Bella, pulling a brand new, unopened jar of bolognaise sauce out of his jacket, earning another groan from Bella as she said "Alice saw this didn't she"

"Doesn't she always" Edward began, with a mischievous glint in his eye "And thanks to you, Emmett now owes me a brand new Volvo"

"You made bets on whether or not I'd get angry and toss the jar of sauce on the floor" Bella asked with a slight pout forming.

Walking over to her, Edward wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her forehead "No, we made bets on whether you would be too proud to accept my help or not"

"I know, I know… I'm a very stubborn little human being" Bella sighed.

Edward chuckled and cupped her face in his hands making her look at him and said "Yes, you are… but you are _my_ stubborn little human being, and I wouldn't want you any other way" then he bent his face down, brushing his lips with hers.

After they broke apart, and Bella snapped out of her Edward-induced daze she hopped off the table and picked up the new jar of sauce.

"I better finish making this, Charlie will be back soon"

"Allow me" Edward said, extending his hand for her to give him the sauce.

Bella glanced at the jar in her hand then back to Edward, biting her lip.

"Bella you cannot be serious" Edward chuckled at her reluctance to let him help her.

"Oh fine" Bella huffed, handing him the jar and pouting as he completed the task of opening it with ease, in mere seconds when after half an hour, using all her strength she still hadn't managed to open the other jar.

"Pfft, stupid-perfect-good-at-everything-vampire" Bella muttered as he handed the, now open jar back to her.

"What was that Bella?" Edward mocked.

"I said thank you" Bella said, in a sarcastic cheerful tone making Edward laugh.

A little while later, after setting a plate of spaghetti bolognaise down in front of Charlie, Bella walks out of the kitchen…

"You better enjoy it, you're swallowing my pride…" she muttered, making her way up to her bedroom.

The lesson: Being too proud to accept help from your gorgeous vampire boyfriend, only leads to spilled bolognaise sauce…

A/N - Haha, okay… so there is the first chapter (there will, of course be seven) did you like it? Hate it? Review and let me know… I got the idea for this because when I can't get jars or bottles opened, I always get really determined to open it on my own (and eventually end up, having to ask my step dad to open it…) I don't really like the last lines, but I couldn't come up with a better ending.

-Lanna


	2. Chapter 2 : Sloth

A/N - Before I get to the second chapter… you should all go read **Stranger Than Fiction by Aspen's Dark Twilight **… It's a one shot and its actually a true story that happened to her, it's sooo funny… go read and review it. :o)

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Seven Deadly Sins: Sloth.

"Can't you make Emmett do it?"

"No Jasper… Emmett did it last time, it will only take you 10 minutes" Esme scolded, in a true-motherly fashion.

Jasper let out and exaggerated sigh and slumped his shoulders in defeat, plopping himself down onto the sofa as soon as Esme left the house.

I could always… no, no, Esme would be mad. He thought, groaning in annoyance as his conscience got in the way of his plan. 

Jasper turned his head glaring at the many glass windows for a few seconds before a mischievous grin formed across his face.

But she would never know. The voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Emmett snickered… 

Ignoring the protests of his conscience, Jasper pulled out his cell phone, glancing round the room quickly, before punching the digits and raising the phone to his ear.

"Oh the cleverness of me" Jasper sighed stretching out on the sofa, after making the call.

A little while later…

Edward and Bella walked into the Cullen house, to find Jasper sprawled out on the sofa, headphones in his ears and his nose buried in a book… completely oblivious to the constant banging coming from the windows at the back of the house…

Trying to stifle his laughter, Edward walked over to his brother yanking off the headphones.

Ignoring the annoyed glare Jasper was shooting at Edward, Bella giggled and asked "Umm, Jasper… why is Mike Newton hanging upside down by his shoes laces from a ladder outside your house"

Eye's widening in horror, Jasper snapped his head round towards the windows to see, just like Bella said… Mike Newton dangling by his shoe laces about 6 feet off the ground, his face a strange red color while he banging his fists against the window and his mouth clearly trying to call out the word "Help"

"Woops" Jasper muttered, his initial shock now turning to amusement as he followed Bella and Edward over to the window to get a closer look…

"Maybe someone should help him down" Bella suggested between giggling fits.

"Aww but I like him so much better this way, with all the blood rushing to his head he can't think inappropriate thoughts about you" Edward smirked as Bella playfully slapped his arm before turning back to the window.

"JASPER HALE!"

"Oh crap" Jasper flinched after hearing Esme's obvious angry voice coming from the doorway and tried, in vain, to calm her down using his power.

"Jasper do not even think about trying to calm me down right now" Esme warned putting down her shopping bags and walked over to the trio…

"Please tell me you did not pay someone to do your chores again" She asked in a strict, controlled voice she almost never used.

Rocking on the balls of his feet and finding a sudden interest in his shoes, Jasper looked towards the floor muttering "Maybe" closing his eyes waiting for her to yell at him for being lazy…

After watching in silence, Edward takes this as his cue to leave and scoops Bella up into his arms running up to his room and setting her down on the couch, smirking as he hears Esme begin with Jasper's well-earned lecture…

"Edward…" Bella began, her face still flushed from laughing.

"Yes love?"

"Well, I was wondering… what did Esme mean by 'again'? Why was she so mad?" She asked, raising her eyebrows as Edward started to laugh.

Once he was done laughing at his memories, Edward explained "Jasper doesn't like doing chores… and not long before you moved to Forks, Esme asked him to clean the leaves out of the gutters, well… after we all got back from hunting we found Tyler Crowley stuck up on the roof, apparently the ladders had fallen and he had been up there for about 2 hours... in the rain"

"So Jasper paid Tyler to do his chores for him?" Bella began and Edward nodded grinning "Well how come Jasper didn't help him down when the ladders fell?"

"Oh he didn't hear, we found him in pretty much the same situation as today… listening to music while reading a book in his own little world" He explained.

Bella rolled her eyes, snuggling against Edward's chest she said "Jasper really is quite lazy for a vampire"

"I concur" Edward smirked wrapping his arms around her.

After about half an hour, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett all walk into Edward's room grinning widely.

"Sooo… either of you care to explain why there's a kid hanging by his shoe laces outside?" Emmett asked, clearly amused.

Bella smiled before realisation hit her "We forgot about Mike!"

Jumping up she walked quickly out of the room dragging Edward along behind her, who was once again, laughing at Mike's misfortune.

They reached the living room, closely followed by Alice, Rosalie and Emmett, to find Jasper sitting on the love seat looking ashamed as Esme continued her lecture and an exhausted looking Mike still dangling upside down outside, swaying slightly in the wind having, given up his banging on the window and pleas for help…

"HA! Look he's purple" Emmett commented, his booming laugh snapping Esme out of her angry rant.

"Oh somebody help that poor boy down" She said, her voice filled with concern as she ran over to the window, not seeing Jasper grin.

Taking full advantage of his mothers distraction, Jasper picked up his book and ipod… resuming his earlier position on the sofa, while everyone else dealt with Mike…

The Lesson: Don't agree to do Jasper's chores, no matter how much he pays you… it will only end in some sort of ladder related disaster…

A/N - Ha, okay… so the situation was funny in my head… but I didn't write it very well. It thought it would be cute to have Jasper be all sloth-like… I had fun imagining the start of the chapter where right after Esme leave's he's sort of arguing with his conscience and kinda like his conscience is an angel on one shoulder and the little devil on the other sounds like Emmett… (oh and incase I didn't mention, Jasper's chore was to clean the windows)

-Lanna


	3. Chapter 3 : Wrath

A/N - Haha, well I got the idea for this chapter because all of my reviews for the story Memories by _bibliocrazed__ (which you should all read & review btw) had the recurring theme of violence towards the werewolves so I just had to write this -smirks- :o) _

P.s. The only Sin I'm really stuck on is Lust (which will be Emmett's sin) so if any of you have any suggestions that'd be great…

-_Lanna _****

Seven Deadly Sins: Wrath.

The sun was shining down brightly on the meadow making Edwards skin shimmer like diamonds as he held Bella in his arms peacefully…

A comfortable silence enveloped the pair, neither feeling the need to talk, just being content in each others company.

Both of them were so wrapped up in their thoughts of each other that they were blissfully unaware of the two dark eyes watching from the shadows.

A light breeze made it's way through the meadow, ruffling Bella's hair and she shivered, snuggling closer to Edward side.

Sighing happily Edward secured his arms around her tighter, and took a deep breath, closing his eye's to enjoy her heavenly scent only to notice another scent mingled with his angels…

Snapping his eye's open, the molten gold fading to black, he scrunched his nose up sniffing the air for the source of the smell.

"Edward what's wrong?"

"Nothing love I just…" Edward trailed off, and sat up as his eyes narrowed in on a particular cluster of trees.

"What is it?" Bella questioned again, placing her hand on his shoulder…

Looking down at her worried face, Edward smiled… his smile turning into a mischievous grin…

That mutt want's to spy on us, we'll give him something worth watching. He thought as he leaned in to brush his cold lips against her warm ones, smiling against into the kiss when he heard a twig snap and a muffled growl from the trees. 

"Enjoying the show, pup" Edward said in a voice too low for Bella's human ears to hear…

Bella wore a dazed smile as she leaned in to kiss him again, but she fell forward when Edward jumped to his feet at vampire speed, once again glaring at the same patch of trees.

"Edward what the hell?" Bella pouted as she picked herself up from the ground.

"Sorry love, I'll be right back" Edward said, running into the shadows out of sight leaving behind a very confused human.

Standing up, Bella folded her arms across her chest and huffed, muttering incoherently under hear breath until she heard a loud yelp in the distance.

Starting to worry, she walked towards the edge of the clearing but stopped when Edward stepped out of the shadows grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Where did you go… and what was that noise" She asked when he wrapped his arms around her waist.

Edward looked down at her face, eyebrows raised and said "What noise?"

"I heard a noise… it sounded like someone kicked a dog or something"

"You think I kicked a dog?" He said in a mock-hurt tone, but his eyes held obvious amusement at how close her guess was to the truth.

"No… well, I… where did you go?" Bella pouted in annoyance at him answering a question with a question.

"Silly Bella, I went to use the little vampires room of course" Edward teased.

"But vampires don't-" She was cut off by his lips on hers, and was completely dazzled when he pulled away…

"Vampires don't what love?" He asked, grinning triumphantly.

"Huh?" Bella replied after a few seconds, shaking her head in an attempt to clear it.

Edward chuckled and led her back over to the middle of the meadow and they resumed their earlier position, lying on the grass in each others arms.

"Can you smell that?" Bella asked sniffing the air.

"Smell what?"

"I dunno… it smells like, burning?"

"Burning, no… I don't smell anything burning" Edward answered turning his head away from her so she wouldn't see the smirk on his face.

Shrugging it off as her imagination playing tricks on her, Bella went to lie back down but snapped right back up again when a howling noise echoed around the clearing.

"Okay, I know I'm not imagining things this time, you _must_ have heard that?" Bella said in an annoyed tone and after sniffing the air again she added "And there is definitely a burning smell!"

"Maybe the forest animals are having a barbeque" Edward joked.

She playfully smacked his arm, but grinned at him.

Edward pulled her into a hug, just as a large russet coloured wolf burst out of the trees, yelping in pain as flames engulfed the fur of his tail…

"What the hell?" Bella asked pulling out of the hug, just missing the flash of orange dart into the trees again and the light trail of smoke fading in the wind…

He pulled her into another hug and kissed her forehead, then said "I'm so glad I brought you to the meadow today" over her shoulder.

Bella sighed happily saying "Me too…" not seeing that his words were directed at the small box of matches in his hand…

Meanwhile at La Push…

Jacob Black broke out of the forest, yelping and howling in pain as the fire singed off his fur and burned his tail.

Remembering the rest of the pack were cliff diving, he set out to find them so they could help with his… situation.

"Oh my god Jake!" Embry shouted as his wolf friend ran towards the group, that was congregated on the cliff top.

"Umm, Sam what should he do?!" A frantic Quil asked the Alpha wolf, who was staring open mouthed at Jake as he ran round in circles chasing the fire on his tail in a vain attempt to make the burning stop…

"How should I know?!" Sam replied his eyes darting round in the circles the russet wolf was making.

"STOP! DROP! AND ROLL!" Paul shouted running up to the group, his hair wet having just got out of the water.

"Oh yeah, that's right, stop drop and roll Jake!" Sam shouted.

Doing as he was told Jake, stopped running in circles and started rolling around on the ground, and writhing in pain.

After a few minutes of doing this, realising that it was useless Jacob stood up again…

Oh screw it! He thought and hurled himself off of the cliff, and plunged into the water below… 

The rest of the pack watched in horror, walking to the edge to see Jake's head break the surface of the water and him paddling towards the beach, all traces of fire gone.

Leah Clearwater, who was watching the entire scene unfold from a distance chose that moment to walk over to the group of boys.

Joining them at the edge of the cliff she said smugly "You know, he could have just turned back into his human form…"

All eyes turned to look at her, amazed and she just shrugged her shoulders as if to say 'I thought it was obvious'…

The lesson: Don't spy on Edward while thinking inappropriate thoughts about Bella, or you will get burned… literally.

A/N - Haha okay, umm… I loved the idea of this chapter, I just hate the way I wrote it… I didn't make it as funny as it should have been (and in case it wasn't obvious, it was Jacob watching them and after Edward kissed Bella to annoy Jake, Jake started thinking inappropriate thoughts about Bella, which is why he got angry and chased him into the forest… and yes, Edward set Jake's tail on fire!!! -happy dance-)

I kinda liked the end bit with Leah… I mean, in his human form he wouldn't have a tail so it stands to reason that if he turned back to his human form the fire would go out, or at least in his human form it would be easier to get out (and the fact that he's naked and skin isn't as flammable as fur would help…)

-Lanna


	4. Chapter 4 : Greed

A/N - This chapter will probably be kinda short and sucky, sorry… but I really wanted to update today -shrugs-

I'm still kinda stuck for what to do for lust (I have one idea, but its not that good) so if any of you have any suggestions for lust let me know (lust is Emmett's sin, just so you know) s'funny that I find that one the most difficult when it should be the easiest… :o)

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Read the bottom a/n (I'm gonna add an msn convo between me and my friend talking about the lust chapter, s'quite funny) 

-Lanna

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Seven Deadly Sins: Gluttony.

"What the hell" Emmett laughed watching his pixie-like sister attempt to get out of her Porsche.

"Uh, a little help please?" Alice huffed as another shopping bag toppled onto her head from the pile next to her.

"No way, this is too funny… EVERYONE COME SEE THIS" He yelled and a few seconds later the rest of the Cullen family (except Carlisle) were now gathered in the driveway laughing at Alice, while she struggled to get out from under the shopping bags that were heaped on top of her…

Taking pity on his wife, Jasper tugged her out from the mountain of bags she had wedged into the tiny Porsche.

"Thanks, alright… now who is gonna help me carry these inside?" Alice grinned at her family who all groaned in response to her question.

"Alice, how much did you spend?!" Bella gasped walking over to inspect the inside of the car.

Bags were stacked from floor to ceiling in the backseat so that you wouldn't be able to fit a pin in if you tried, the passenger seat was the same, the trunk overflowing and even more shocking was that she had somehow managed to drive while surrounded by even more shopping bags on the drivers seat.

"Umm… I well, I uh…" Alice stuttered in a very un-Alice like fashion.

"Yeah, please tell me that you didn't buy all of this?" Edward said, gesturing towards her car.

Turning her gaze to her brother, her sheepish smile slowly turned into an evil grin and said "Nooope"

Right on cue, a lorry drove up the driveway coming to a stop behind Alice's Porsche.

"I also bought all of that too" Alice giggled, skipping over to the delivery driver.

After signing his clipboard she turned around to her family again, to find them all staring at her open mouthed.

"What?" Alice asked, smiling innocently.

Rolling her eyes, after receiving no answer she shrugged her shoulders and picked up 10 bags to carry inside.

"Alice you cannot be serious, it's like you bought the whole mall" Edward said, snapping out of his initial shock once she came outside for more bags.

Ignoring his comment she said "Would you be a doll and take some of this up to my room"

Edward glared at her, but grabbed some bags and headed inside anyway.

"Well don't just stand there, you can catch flies later… these bags aren't gonna carry themselves" Alice pouted when she realised the rest of her family where still staring in disbelief, making no move to help…

Carlisle returned from work a little while later, to find all of his family, minus Alice, congregated in the living room, quietly discussing something.

"Do I even want to know?" He asked, eyebrows raised.

"Alice… shopping… INSANE!" Bella muttered, pointing towards the stairs.

"Ookay then…" Carlisle said heading upstairs to find out what she meant.

Upon reaching Alice's room, Carlisle rubbed his eyes in disbelief, thinking he was seeing things.

There in the middle of the room was Alice, surrounded by stacks of shopping bags that covered every inch of the floor, some of the piles even taller than Alice herself…

"If yooou love shopping and you know it buy some stuff" She sang happily, pulling things out of bags and squealing in delight when finding something she loved but couldn't remember buying.

"Alice…" Carlisle started, and her head snapped up, finally noticing his presence…

"You can't possibly keep all of this" He said, indicating towards her many purchases.

Her gold eyes faded to black and narrowed at Carlisle as she snatched as many bags as she could and clutched them to her chest.

"MINE! MY STUFF!" She growled, causing Carlisle to raise his hands in surrender and back slowly out of the room, closing the door behind him.

"If you love shopping and you know it and you really wanna show it buy some SHOES!" Her bell-like voice echoed through the room, as she resumed exploring the shopping bags while singing happily.

Two days later, Alice sat on a cheap plastic chair in a dull room with pale blue walls.

She pouted as she glanced around the circle of people...

"Stupid, unfair, completely unnecessary" She thought to herself as the person beside her finished talking and sat down again. 

After the very unenthusiastic applause was over, Alice sighed and stood up.

"Hello, my name is Alice and I'm a shopaholic" She said in a bored voice and quickly plopped back down in her chair in annoyance mumbling under her breath that she doesn't have a problem while the rest of the group clapped and greeted her…

The lesson: Don't give Alice a limitless credit card and allow her to attend the opening of a new mall unsupervised…

A/N - Ha, told ya it would be a sucky chapter (although I did kinda like the mental image of Alice at one of those meeting type things, I'm not sure if there is one for people with a spending addiction, but its kinda like an AA meeting)

Anyway, here is the lust msn convo:

Lanna says: Can you think of a way to make lust funny? Like for a seven deadly sins story? 

lukey says: Hmmmm lust is a relatively funny word to begin with. I'd probably just be satisfied laughing at that 

Lanna says: Haha, ookay... I can't think of anything to make that funny ... well, except for have the character humping a lamp or something but that wouldn't work… 

lukey says: lamps can get very warm, proving dangerous in a humping context 

Lanna says: Hahaha! 

lukey says: I tried to stand on top of a lava lamp once...with mixed results...well, not mixed...just...awful. 

Lanna says: Stand on top of a lava lamp?! Were you drunk? ... that's like a circus trick 

lukey says: I believe, yes, I was... shocker. 

Lanna says: That's almost as bad at the time I was determined to balance on top of a basketball when I was like 10... 

lukey says: haha 

Lanna says: I kinda fell and went crash-bang-whack-ouch... and it hurt, but then I laughed and tried again, because I'm dumb and it takes me a few tries to learn my lesson 

lukey says: hehe - did you ever succeed? 

Lanna says: Uh... no, I only managed to stay on for like 1 second before falling on my ass again 

lukey says: aww

Ha, I love msn convos with Luke :o)

-Lanna


	5. Chapter 5 : Vanity

A/N - Sorry I've taken so long to update… seriously I have an attention span of a flea so when I go to start a chapter I will get distracted and do something else instead (ha, like creating an "I will always remember" list, or a new quotes page for me and my friends -rolls eyes-)… umm, so, yeah… sorry :o)

-Lanna

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Seven Deadly Sins: Vanity

"EMMETT MCARTY CULLEN!!" Alice shrieked as she stormed into the living room where Jasper and Emmett were sitting playing the Xbox.

Flinching at the noise Emmett replied "Whatever it was I didn't do it…"

"Ch'yeah… and the Pope worships Satan" Jasper smirked, earning him a death glare from his brother…

"Where are they?!"

"Where are what?" Emmett asked, annoyed at being accused of something that he, for once, couldn't have been guilty of because he hadn't done anything mischievous today.

"My mirrors! They're all gone, ALL of them! Even my compact ones! I know you took them" the pixie-like vampire screamed.

"What would I want with your mirrors?"

"I don't know… to annoy me maybe?!"

"Eugh! I didn't take your stupid mirrors Alice" He growled standing up, then recoiled seeing the look on his sisters face.

He could almost see the steam coming out of her ears and she walked forward, causing him to fall back onto the sofa as she said "My… mirrors… are… NOT.. Stupid!" in a deathly calm voice, pronouncing each word slowly…

Before he even had a chance to reply, the front door banged open and Edward stormed into the house, looking set to kill.

"Who the hell took the mirrors off my cars!?"

Emmett paled at the words, not an easy thing to do for a vampire then he rushed out the front door…

"He can run but he can't hi-" Alice started but was cut off by a girl-like scream coming from somewhere outside.

In a matter of seconds Emmett had ran back into the living room choosing to charge straight through the door instead of opening it first…

"YOU! You took the mirrors off my baby!" He growled at Alice.

"Your… baby?" Jasper laughed, as he watched the scene in amusement..

"Yeah, my jeep! Your wife took the mirrors off"

"I did not"

"Did too"

"Why the hell would I do that?!"

"Because you thought I stole your mirrors"

"Well, which one of you took the mirrors off of MY cars?" Edward added, their voices steadily rising…

"Well it definitely wasn't me!" Alice said, glaring at Emmett.

Glaring right back he said "Well it wasn't me either!"

Before the argument could continue further, Bella walked in from the kitchen looking thoroughly confused.

"Uh… I was trying to make some lunch, but all the stuff is gone" She said, scrunching her face up in confusion…

"What stuff?" Edward asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Well, the toaster, the kettle, all the pots and pans… even the cutlery is missing" She said before adding on "it's weird…" more to herself than anyone else.

After taking a few seconds to digest the new piece of information, Emmett and Alice turned to each other glaring again and Alice yelled "Emmett did it!" at the same time as he said "It was Alice!"

"It was not"

"Was too"

"Was not!"

"It was too… who else would be stupid enough to steal all that stuff"

"I don't know but it wasn't me!"

"It was too"

"It was not"

"It was too you over grown magpie!" Alice shouted, stomping her foot to emphasise her point.

Choosing this moment to speak up, Jasper cleared his throat to stifle his laughter before talking.

"I-" He started but he was cut off by his wife and brother erupting in another round of verbal ping-pong, while Bella just sighed sitting down on the sofa with Edward waiting for them all to calm down…

"Shut up you little fairy!"

"I'd rather be a fairy than… an OGRE!"

"Oh no you didn't" Emmett said wiggling his head, while snapping his fingers in a z-formation.

"Oh yes I di-id!" Alice mimicked his voice.

"If you would both just lis-"

Jasper tried to speak up again but was, once again, interrupted.

"I know it was you Emmett!"

"How did you have a vision" He retorted in a childish voice making air quotes at the word vision.

Narrowing her eyes at her brother she stepped forward poking him in the chest with each word she said "Do. Not. Mock. My. Power. Butthead!"

"Ha! Did you seriously just call me a butthead" He teased.

"Eugh! Idiot!"

"Midget!"

"Elephant!"

"Leprechaun!"

"Ho!"

"Shovel!"

Taking a break from insult throwing Alice raised a perfect eyebrow and asked "Shovel?"

"Well you called me a hoe!" Emmett said, in a defensive tone…

Edward snorted a laugh and said "She didn't mean that kind of ho, you idiot."

Having had enough of the arguing, Jasper used the momentary break of insult throwing to finally talk.

"Haven't any of you noticed something missing from this situation?" He said, slowly as if it was obvious…

The four other people in the room, looked at him as if he was insane and Edward said "Uh, yeah… haven't you been listening, the mirrors are missing and the pots and the-"

But he was cut off by Jasper sighing loudly and rolling his eyes.

"No" He smirked "Look around the room, and tell me what you don't see…"

Doing as he said all 8 eyes scanned the room, looking for more missing objects but surprisingly Bella was the one to notice what wasn't there…

"Rosalie!" She said with a gasp

"Ding ding ding and we have a winner" Jasper said grinning at his human sister.

Looks of realisation spread across the faces of Alice, Emmett and Edward before all three stormed up stairs… followed closely by Jasper.

"Pfft, that's right… abandon the human, she doesn't mind at all" Bella grumbled sarcastically as she made her way up the stairs at her slow human pace.

When she reached Rose's room, she found Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Edward all blocking the door with stunned looks on their faces.

She pushed past them to see what they were all staring at, and when she did, her jaw almost hit the floor…

Every surface in the room was covered with mirrors of all shapes and sizes.

The kettle, the toaster and all the pots and pans were all scattered about the room and cutlery hung from the ceiling from pieces of string…

And there, in the middle of the room was Rosalie… admiring herself in all the shiny surfaces with a massive grin oh her face, completely oblivious to her "audience"

"Umm, Rose…" Jasper croaked, being the first one to snap out of his initial shock…

She turned to the door, and flashed them all and innocent smile, finally noticing their presence…

He visibly glanced around the room with his eyebrows raised before settling his eyes back on his sister, giving her a look that clearly said 'what the hell?'

"What everyone else gets to enjoy my beauty! Why shouldn't I get to see it too!" Rosalie pouted, snatching up the nearest mirror (which looked suspiciously like the wing mirror off of a Volvo) and smiled at her reflection…

Noticing that they were still in her doorway, she turned to them again to find them all open-mouthed giving her disbelieving looks…

Rolling her eyes, she walked over and switched on the CD player.

"Don't 'cha wish your girlfriend was HOT like me!"

Rosalie sang and danced along to the music that blasted out of the speakers…

Practically drooling at his wife, Emmett coughed loudly and started ushering his siblings out of the room and slammed the door shut…

"That was weird…" Bella shuddered as Rosalie giggled Emmett's name, not even wanting to know what was going on behind that door.

"Weird… try disturbing" Edward said, shaking his head trying to clear their thoughts from his mind.

"On the plus side… at least we know where all the missing stuff is" Jasper shrugged and made his way back downstairs…

The lesson: Vanity is Rose's favourite sin and she isn't afraid to admit it… or to steal all the mirrors and shiny objects in the house to indulge it…

A/N - Well that was way longer than it was meant to be (I got carried away with Alice and Emmett's arguing) and I don't really like the way I wrote it… but I'm tired and my eye hurts because I am an idiot and got soap in it (which stings sooo bad for the record!) and I can't be assed rewriting it… so -shrugs- sorry :o)

-Lanna


	6. Chapter 6 : Lust

_A/N - Sorry, sorry, sorry… I meant to update sooner, but like I said I was kinda stuck on what to write for lust and envy (well, I've had ideas, it's just writing them to make them funny that's the problem) I'm still kinda stuck on it, but I really wanna finish this story so I can start on my next story ideas. So sorry if this chapter isn't as good as the other ones… you'd think someone with their mind firmly in the gutter like me would find lust the easiest sin, but apparently not._

_P.s. There are a few implied sexual situations in this chapter, but I don't go into detail._

_-Lanna_

**Seven Deadly Sins: Lust**

Alice sat on her and Jasper's bed, legs swinging back and forth as she tried to think of a way to cure her boredom, seeing as Edward had "stolen" Bella for the day.

She let out a frustrated sigh that was cut short as her body went rigid. A few minutes later her eyes cleared and a grin spread across her face. _This should be fun_.

"Oh Roooose" She called out as she hopped off of her bed and went to find her sister.

Meanwhile, down in the Cullen living room…

"What's wrong Emmett, afraid you'll lose?" Jasper teased, smirking at his brother.

"NO! It's just stupid, I mean why the hell would I want to do that"

"Because if you win, I have to buy you a new jeep"

"Interesting…" Emmett pondered, stroking his chin as he considered the benefits of the bet.

"… and if I win-" Jasper started, only to be cut off by Emmett.

"You won't"

"You sure about that?" He smirked again.

"Ch'yeah, like you could beat me at anything" Emmett scoffed, arrogantly.

"Whatever, like I was saying, if I win you have to do whatever I tell you for a whole week" Jasper said, extending his hand.

"You're on!" Emmett grinned, grabbing Jaspers hand and shaking it.

Back upstairs, Alice stood in front of her mirror grinning mischievously at her reflection - there was no way she was going to lose this bet.

"Oooh Jasper" She shouted happily "Can you help me with something real quick?"

Jasper could never deny Alice anything, so he was at her side in an instant, still grinning about his bet with Emmett.

"What di-" He started, but stopped mid-sentence as he took in his wife's appearance.

"I was trying to decide which set looks best" She giggled, twirling in a circle.

Jasper tried to talk, but it came out more as a muffled squeak.

"So what do you think, the black silky bra and panties" She said, gesturing to the underwear she was modelling "Or the red lace bra and thong?" she added, holding up a hanger with red fabric on it.

Jasper coughed trying to talk again, his mouth opening and closing like a gold fish.

"Hmm you're right, I think I should try the red one on for you too" Alice said thoughtfully, fighting a smirk at her husbands reaction… this would be an easy victory.

Downstairs in the living room, Emmett sat down on the sofa, watching TV.

_I can go without sex for a week. _He thought, puffing out his chest proudly._ New jeep here I come._

Too lost in his thoughts, he failed to notice the pair of eyes watching him from the top of the stairs.

_Like Alice can beat me, psychic or not, she's going down. _Rosalie grinned at her thoughts, adjusting her push up bra and running a hand through her hair one last time. _Here goes nothing. _And with that she made her way down the stairs.

Emmett was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of an angel singing, his eyes quickly scanned the room for the source and when he saw his wife he let out a muffled groan.

"R-rose… what the hell?" He asked, his voice sounding very uncharacteristically high pitched.

"What? I'm helping Esme with the spring cleaning" She said, feigning innocence as she stood on her tiptoes, running the feather duster along the shelf.

"Wearing that?" Emmett asked, the hungry look in his eyes betraying the indifference in his voice.

"You mean people don't usually wear this when they're cleaning?" She giggled swaying her hips as she walked over behind the sofa, running the feather duster over her husbands cheek she leaned over and whispered in his ear "Silly me" before continuing with the 'cleaning'

_"loosen up my buttons baby" _She sang, smirking as she bent over to dust the coffee table.

_UH-OH!_. Emmett thought as his eyes followed Rosalie about the room, that French maids outfit would be his downfall.

Back upstairs…

Jasper sat on the bed, leg's crossed tightly as he sang the national anthem in his head in attempt to distract himself from the goddess in front of him, who had now moved onto modelling a lacy corset with matching stockings and underwear.

_I can't believe I'm going to lose to Emmett. _He thought miserably, tilting his head to the side - groaning again as Alice twirled around slowly.

_Or am I? _He grinned as he suddenly got an idea.

He stopped fighting the lust he was feeling, and instead let it build up before channelling it all down to where he knew Emmett was._ And I'm back in the game!_

Meanwhile downstairs again…

Rosalie grinned as she stopped dusting making her way to the kitchen thinking _this will teach him for making a bet that affects both of us, time for phase two._

Emmett breathed a sigh of relief and sadness as Rose walked out of the room, he wanted to win the bet but he can't deny he enjoyed her little performance.

Just as he started to relax again, two things happened simultaneously; Rose walked back into the room carrying a bucket of soapy water and a sponge and he felt a burst of pure lust hit him. Instantly knowing that it wasn't all his own._ Aww crap! _

_Operation wet daydream commence. _Rosalie smirked, putting down the bucket in front of the window, reaching into it with a sponge.

Emmett twitched, wanting to touch his wife as he watched her wash the windows, although it seemed she was getting more water on herself than the windows.

"Oh darn" Rosalie giggled in a fake-innocent voice as more water poured down her arms and onto her body when she lifted the sponge.

"I guess I'll just have to take this off" She said slowly with an exaggerated sigh.

_No! No! No! No! _"Aww screw it!" Emmett said, ignoring the voice in his head… allowing himself to be controlled by… a different part of his anatomy.

Edward and Bella walked into the Cullen house hand in hand, just in time to see Emmett throw a giggling Rosalie over his shoulder with a playful growl before running upstairs at vampire speed.

"YES! I won!" Jasper shouted triumphantly, vampire hearing telling him he had won the bet.

At the exact same time, Alice pouted saying "Damn! I lost!"

"What do you mean you "lost"?" Jasper asked raising his eyebrows at his wife.

"I umm…" She stuttered, hands behind herback as she rocked on the balls of her feet.

"You mean you… and all this?" Jasper said more to himself, than her as he figured it all out, she giggled nodding her head in response anyway.

"Well… I'm just going to have to punish you then" He grinned at her, before pouncing.

Back downstairs, Bella looked up at Edward with an expression that clearly said "What the hell?"

"You don't want to know" Edward shuddered, attempting to block out the thoughts… and noise his four siblings were making.

Bella pouted at him, letting him know she did want to know.

"Long story short, Jasper and Emmett made a bet to see who could go without sex the longest, with the time limit being a week… Alice had a vision of them making the bet and made her own bet without Rose, to see which one could get her husband to… umm, crack, first." He finished.

"Oh" Was all she said then jumped in fright at the loud crack coming from upstairs that sounded suspiciously like a bed breaking.

"Was that… actually, I don't want to know" She said shaking her head, following Edward out the front door again, looks like they were going to her house instead.

The lesson: Emmett shouldn't make bets about his sex life with Jasper, as he will lose and beds will be broken…

_A/N - Very sucky chapter… but I did warn you I couldn't make lust funny, I did have 2 other ideas for the chapter, and when I've finished with jealousy/envy then I might make extra chapters with the other ideas, not sure though… I may just leave it at seven._

_**Review please?** I want to get 300 reviews for this story before I finish (and by the amount of favourites this story has, that is possible)_

_-Lanna_


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